the best things in life aren't things
Archive for January, 2009
Work less
Jan 31st
I’m not trying to sell you a brain-washing-optimistic book about how to earn more cash by working less. Just don’t do it. 
How much of our lives do we sacrifice to pay bills and buy more stuff we don’t really need? For most of us, work means sacrificing our freedom to take orders from someone else, stress, boredom, monotony, and in many cases risks to our physical and psychological well-being.
Take a break, enjoy your spare time, work only to earn the amount for a decent living – don’t let our society fall into materialism, moral apathy, competition, conformity, and greed.
Why men should never do advice columns
Jan 29th
Dear Roger,
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV. I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.
When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour’s daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour’s daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was made redundant six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counselling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps,
Roger.
Ragdoll
Jan 26th
Okay, it’s not Kate Winslet or Oprah or anything but don’t expect to make it to Quiz-o or Misshapes or wherever you young folks are buying your cocaine these days: call it in delivery because this is a, ahem, project. It turns out Faith Hill looks sort of like your mom. Frankly, of course, if your mom looked like this, I’d still have to do her, but Redbook is under strict instructions to skew younger and if anyone is going to be in touch with what the Girls Gone Wild generation is looking for in a magazine it is not the editors over there. And so weight of the task, kid, falls on us.Some more salient of the fixes:
1. SCALP: You know what we need here? Some more frickin hair. Please, we could practically reuse her to illustrate one of those perennial female pattern baldness pieces. HELLO, did she not get the message that extensions are the new earrings? Take it from Lauryn Hill, white bitches INVENTED the weave, just like Koreans invented fake nails. And speaking of, Faith: nice manicure! For me to poop on!!
2. CROWS FEET: What’s this under those eyes? Blanche? Dorothy? Jesus Christ, we’ll try to get you overtime for this shit.
3. THOSE CHEEKS: What exactly do you think she’s hoarding in there? Snacks to get her through Ramadan? And boy could bitch take a little time out on that deviated septum…
4. OMG THAT EARLOBE: This is a personal one, since no one will probably be able to tell once it hits the cover, but please do some work on that hideous earlobe of hers for me and ixnay on the fucking MOLE. Lasers were invented for a reason, lady!
5. NECK: I feel bad about hers.
6. LIPS: More lines! Ugh: What’s this bitch do, move her mouth into unflattering positions for a living?
7. CLAVICLE: I know they’re hot in New York, but so are those fucking terrorist scarves. This shit does not fly in Middle America. Just pretend like she has no bones. Also, get rid of that welt from the strap of her dress digging into her flesh; we know she’s fat. Everyone else doesn’t need to.
8. BACK FAT: What is this, the new muffin top? She’s spilling out all over that attractive sundress. Gross. And could her posture be worse?
9. THAT HAND, #1: What’s it DOING there? Ugh, I don’t even want to know. Make it an arm. And pleaaaase make it look like she’s sucking in her tummy like a good celebrity.
10. ASS: Chop.
11. ARM: is absolutely FINE, with about 50% less girth and 80% less Mystic Tan! It’ll probably look unnaturally long and frail and Teen Vogue on the cover: I’m okay with this. Anything to spare readers the grotesque sight of THAT HAND, #2.
All right, see what you can do, and don’t stop till she looks at least as young as Reese Witherspoon, or someone, you know, the kids your age would jerk off too. I have faith in you.
Yours truly,
The Devil
I’m sick and tired of the magazines that sell the “idealized” cartoon of a woman and the homos that do not appreciate the femininity that comes from warmth, from body language and from a woman’s intelligence and sense of humor.
P.S. Yes, Photoshop is the tool of the Devil! Trust me, I use it every day.
(via jezebel.com)
A matter of national security
Jan 24th
Our government has done it again! As some of you might know there is now a law that invades our privacy and it’s totally unconstitutional. The law nr. 298/2008 clearly states that our authorities can listen/store our phone conversations, read/store our text and email messages, view/store our name, physical address and login time based on our IP. Don’t tell me this is part of the Constitution when art. 28 clearly states that our conversations are private.
You can do something about it and tell our government to go fuck themselves by signing this online petition. We can make a difference.
P.S. This also concerns you, foreign visitor. Make a difference by signing this petition, or your country will be next. This law follows the 2006/24/EC directive on the retention of data generated or processed in connection with the provision of publicly available electronic communications services or of public communications networks and amending Directive 2002/58/EC.
P.P.S This sexy girl in the picture is there just to get your attention. It is not a bonus if you sign the petition.
A tune a day..
Jan 23rd
