the best things in life aren't things
Marketing
John Travolta is gay?!
Jul 9th
Vintage TV Commercial -- Safeguard Bath Soap (1970)
Apparently John Travolta’s rumored path towards homosexuality started with him getting paid to shower with men back in the 70’s.
Ragdoll
Jan 26th
Okay, it’s not Kate Winslet or Oprah or anything but don’t expect to make it to Quiz-o or Misshapes or wherever you young folks are buying your cocaine these days: call it in delivery because this is a, ahem, project. It turns out Faith Hill looks sort of like your mom. Frankly, of course, if your mom looked like this, I’d still have to do her, but Redbook is under strict instructions to skew younger and if anyone is going to be in touch with what the Girls Gone Wild generation is looking for in a magazine it is not the editors over there. And so weight of the task, kid, falls on us.Some more salient of the fixes:
1. SCALP: You know what we need here? Some more frickin hair. Please, we could practically reuse her to illustrate one of those perennial female pattern baldness pieces. HELLO, did she not get the message that extensions are the new earrings? Take it from Lauryn Hill, white bitches INVENTED the weave, just like Koreans invented fake nails. And speaking of, Faith: nice manicure! For me to poop on!!
2. CROWS FEET: What’s this under those eyes? Blanche? Dorothy? Jesus Christ, we’ll try to get you overtime for this shit.
3. THOSE CHEEKS: What exactly do you think she’s hoarding in there? Snacks to get her through Ramadan? And boy could bitch take a little time out on that deviated septum…
4. OMG THAT EARLOBE: This is a personal one, since no one will probably be able to tell once it hits the cover, but please do some work on that hideous earlobe of hers for me and ixnay on the fucking MOLE. Lasers were invented for a reason, lady!
5. NECK: I feel bad about hers.
6. LIPS: More lines! Ugh: What’s this bitch do, move her mouth into unflattering positions for a living?
7. CLAVICLE: I know they’re hot in New York, but so are those fucking terrorist scarves. This shit does not fly in Middle America. Just pretend like she has no bones. Also, get rid of that welt from the strap of her dress digging into her flesh; we know she’s fat. Everyone else doesn’t need to.
8. BACK FAT: What is this, the new muffin top? She’s spilling out all over that attractive sundress. Gross. And could her posture be worse?
9. THAT HAND, #1: What’s it DOING there? Ugh, I don’t even want to know. Make it an arm. And pleaaaase make it look like she’s sucking in her tummy like a good celebrity.
10. ASS: Chop.
11. ARM: is absolutely FINE, with about 50% less girth and 80% less Mystic Tan! It’ll probably look unnaturally long and frail and Teen Vogue on the cover: I’m okay with this. Anything to spare readers the grotesque sight of THAT HAND, #2.
All right, see what you can do, and don’t stop till she looks at least as young as Reese Witherspoon, or someone, you know, the kids your age would jerk off too. I have faith in you.
Yours truly,
The Devil
I’m sick and tired of the magazines that sell the “idealized” cartoon of a woman and the homos that do not appreciate the femininity that comes from warmth, from body language and from a woman’s intelligence and sense of humor.
P.S. Yes, Photoshop is the tool of the Devil! Trust me, I use it every day. 
(via jezebel.com)
A matter of national security
Jan 24th
Our government has done it again! As some of you might know there is now a law that invades our privacy and it’s totally unconstitutional. The law nr. 298/2008 clearly states that our authorities can listen/store our phone conversations, read/store our text and email messages, view/store our name, physical address and login time based on our IP. Don’t tell me this is part of the Constitution when art. 28 clearly states that our conversations are private.
You can do something about it and tell our government to go fuck themselves by signing this online petition. We can make a difference.
P.S. This also concerns you, foreign visitor. Make a difference by signing this petition, or your country will be next. This law follows the 2006/24/EC directive on the retention of data generated or processed in connection with the provision of publicly available electronic communications services or of public communications networks and amending Directive 2002/58/EC.
P.P.S This sexy girl in the picture is there just to get your attention. It is not a bonus if you sign the petition.
Whopper Virgins
Dec 17th
Burger King launched a controversial campaign called Whopper Virgins, in which the nice people of Maramures, Romania are involved. They are the poor “indigenous” people that have never got the chance to experience the divin touch of the great American burgers, so Burger King decided to help out these poor bastards and give them a piece of heaven. The Maramureseni loved it!
Here’s part of the Burger King teaser concerning the campaign. You can look for other stuff for yourself, I don’t want to get into this- I am appalled.
This is a great response to the Burger King campaign, I would like to congratulate the people who made this.
P.S. Fuck you Burger King, for that dangerous combination of massive obesity and stupidity that you try spread all over the world.
Rebranding, times of crisis
Dec 13th
Logo Credits:
* The revised Ford logo comes courtesy of Ironic Sans
* The Nokia, 3M, Badyear, Ferrari, xerox, DownJones logos come courtesy of Carlos Bornelli Jr
(via businesspundit.com)
Maserati with driver included
Dec 5th
Auto Italia Group (the local Maserati importer) came up with a brilliant marketing and HR strategy- they are now selling their all new Maserati Quattroporte with a professional driver included, for 6 months from the purchase. Such a car is usually driven by a professional and I’m almost certain the owners will hire the drivers afterwards.
(via ZF)
