There’s trouble brewing, guys

Bavarian men might want to rethink their annual Oktoberfest revels in light of a new study.

You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Several months ago, scientists at Europe’s annual human reproduction conference suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption. The theory is that drinking beer turns men into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were each fed six pints of beer within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessivly without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating, couldn’t perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

Does beer really make us queer?

Love vs. Infatuation

Infatuation is instant desire, one set of glands calling to another.

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows,one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real.It gives you strength and grows beyond you,to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence,even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him near. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says,”We must get married right away. I can’t risk losing him.”

Love says, “Be patient. He is yours. Plan your future with confidence.”

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are in one another’s company you are hoping it will end in intimacy.

Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he’s away, you wonder if he’s cheating. Sometimes you check.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure, and unthreatened. He feels your trust and it makes him even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you’ll regret later, but love never will.

Love lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.

The 8 Monkeys

2 years ago

in Funny, People

(This is reportedly based on an actual experiment conducted in the U.K.)

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.

All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.

However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.

This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he’s not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he’s attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

People