the best things in life aren't things
Women
12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams
P.S. I have a basement too.
(via Onion News)
A couple in bed
One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back.
He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.
His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.
His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time, the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
‘Why are you stopping darling?’ she whispered.
He whispered back, ‘I found the remote.’
Of men, and women
I want a man who’s handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long
One who thinks before he speaks
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he’s not annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows what to answer to “how big is my behind?”
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.