the best things in life aren't things
Posts tagged jobs
The Apple Tablet – iPad
Jan 27th
There hasn’t been so much buzz about the tablet since Moses got down from the mountain after his acid trip. Today, Mr. Jobs unveiled the mighty Apple iPad, which I think is crap (until I get one for free, then it’s ok).
It’s just a giant iPod Touch, people will not give up their iPhones and MacBooks for it.
Find out more by searching on Google, or something.
Business talk 101
Oct 8th
Here are some business lingo translations that I think will be most helpful for all of you out there looking for a job. No, currently we are not hiring.
Job offers lingo:
“COMPETITIVE SALARY” = We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM” = We have no time to train you.
“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE” = We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
“MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED” = You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED” = Some time each night and some time each weekend.
“DUTIES WILL VARY” = Anyone in the hospital can boss you around.
“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL” = We have no quality control.
“CAREER-MINDED” = Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
“APPLY IN PERSON” = If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.
“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE” = We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE” = You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST” = You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS” = You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS” = Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
As a little confession, I must tell you that my first job ever, implied all of the above requirements. Funny as it may seem, in this country – it’s more of a trend. Businesses are changing, but people never will. Be careful out there!
