the best things in life aren't things
Posts tagged joke
A joke a day..
Dec 21st
“Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” Peter Kay
Joke of the day..
Jun 10th
Bono, the lead signer of the band U2 is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
He is playing a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland when he asks the audience for total quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone, “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”
A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from near the front of the crowd, pierces the silence…
“Well, fucking stop it then!”
Joke of the day..
Jun 2nd
A small Alabama Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.
To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal’s cages.
Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The park administrator thought they might have a solution.
Eddie was approached with a proposition.
Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500?
Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following 3 conditions.
“First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss her on the lips.”
The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
“Second,” Eddie said, “you must never tell anyone about this.”
The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.
And last of all Eddie stated, “You’ve got to give me another week to come up with the $500.”
Joke of the day..
May 26th
A blind man wanders into an all woman biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting for awhile he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls silent. In a deep husky voice the woman next to him says, ” Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it’s only fair – given the fact that you’re blind – that you should know five things:
1.The bartender is a blonde woman with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman
3. I’m a six foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell the joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
