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Posts tagged men
Mandles Candles for Men, Manly Men
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There’s trouble brewing, guys
Bavarian men might want to rethink their annual Oktoberfest revels in light of a new study.
You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Several months ago, scientists at Europe’s annual human reproduction conference suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption. The theory is that drinking beer turns men into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were each fed six pints of beer within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessivly without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating, couldn’t perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
Does beer really make us queer?
Why men should never do advice columns
Dear Roger,
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV. I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.
When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour’s daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour’s daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was made redundant six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counselling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps,
Roger.
A couple in bed
One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back.
He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.
His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.
His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time, the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
‘Why are you stopping darling?’ she whispered.
He whispered back, ‘I found the remote.’
Of men, and women
I want a man who’s handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long
One who thinks before he speaks
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he’s not annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows what to answer to “how big is my behind?”
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.